Comments on: Please recomend a good book on marriage communication or marriage counseling?

By: dazednconfused

dazednconfused — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:01:59 +0000

Any Dr. Phil books
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http://www.drphilstore.com/

By: shine_radiantstar

shine_radiantstar — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 04:23:59 +0000

So many times we, men and women, miscommunicate because we are wired differently and have trouble understanding each other. That's why I recommend John Gray's, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I've also listened to "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, and there are some wonderful thoughts on how we as individuals each have our own styles and help to understand the other's style of relating. Finally, I haven't read but see some excellent reviews of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, and Nan Silver.

What you will find through all of these, is two basic principles at work, 1 as taught by Steven Covey, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. The larger part of communication is listening for understanding of what is in the other's heart, and how best to release the love that is in their heart. The other is part of my personal philosophy of choosing love over power. Love does not seek to control another, but to give freedom of choice and to find the best in the other. The best method of communication I have found beyond listening, to express my wants and needs is using "I" statements to clarify my point of view without imposing my standards on another. For Instance, "When you ask for book recommendations, I want to share what I have found helpful." is an I statement that gives my point of view without invalidating your point of view, which might be different. An "I" statement is generally in the format of "when you, then I" Another for instance might be, "When you get upset because I am not lovey dovey, then I feel even less lovey dovey." On the other hand when you….. fill in the blank… I feel more lovey dovey. I hope you find this helpful. May the Blessings Be
References :
MA Counseling Psychology

By: miss j

miss j — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:43:59 +0000

Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue, haven't read it but hear good things about it. The Five Love Languages is a great book for understanding how people respond to different ways of showing and receiving love.
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By: Erica

Erica — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:26:59 +0000

This is the title of a book I recommend: "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why" by Susan Forward This book has helped me with communication skills not only in my immediate relationship, but all of my relationships. This book helped me recognized emotional and mental abuse that aren't always obvious. It's an easy read, older but made a lot of sense for me.
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By: tamara g

tamara g — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 02:51:59 +0000

I have been married for almost 20 years and I think the reason we are so close is due to allowing the other space when needed, a Great sense of Humor when it comes to little things and COMMUNICATION!!!! Don't alllow little things to bother you, it's the same with kids, there is no maual for parenting and marriage, you do your best and talk a lot but not in a serious sense but on a fun level.
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By: well, I'm here!

well, I'm here! — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 02:20:59 +0000

There's a book called the Five Love Languages. It helped me understand that all ppl show love differently. This book even helped me in relationships with other ppl such as my children. I highly recommend this book, although I'm not exactly sure if it is the type of "communication" book you're asking about. Good Luck.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
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By: zoya

zoya — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 01:33:59 +0000

My therapist recommended these: The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman and "The Relationship Cure"
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By: PrettyAKA

PrettyAKA — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 01:15:59 +0000

Been married for 3 years and I am having the same problem with my husband. i hope you find something I'm going to keep checking back for your answer. By the way, this is a good question you asked.
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By: replybysteve

replybysteve — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:45:59 +0000

Try this, there's a whole section on communication in marriage:

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH13.HTM

Good luck.

.
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Happily married for 22 years and that's due, in no small part, to that.