Please recommend some good books for me on marriage communication, and just counseling. Me and my husband have a big problem with communication, we argue about dumb small things that i believe are because we can't communicate with each other effectively. We do love each other, but he seems to be upset because im not that lovey dovey person that's all over him constantly, and that's what he want's, It's very difficult for me to change and be that person. Please tell me if theres some books i can read to help my marriage.
So many times we, men and women, miscommunicate because we are wired differently and have trouble understanding each other. That's why I recommend John Gray's, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I've also listened to "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, and there are some wonderful thoughts on how we as individuals each have our own styles and help to understand the other's style of relating. Finally, I haven't read but see some excellent reviews of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, and Nan Silver.
What you will find through all of these, is two basic principles at work, 1 as taught by Steven Covey, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. The larger part of communication is listening for understanding of what is in the other's heart, and how best to release the love that is in their heart. The other is part of my personal philosophy of choosing love over power. Love does not seek to control another, but to give freedom of choice and to find the best in the other. The best method of communication I have found beyond listening, to express my wants and needs is using "I" statements to clarify my point of view without imposing my standards on another. For Instance, "When you ask for book recommendations, I want to share what I have found helpful." is an I statement that gives my point of view without invalidating your point of view, which might be different. An "I" statement is generally in the format of "when you, then I" Another for instance might be, "When you get upset because I am not lovey dovey, then I feel even less lovey dovey." On the other hand when you….. fill in the blank… I feel more lovey dovey. I hope you find this helpful. May the Blessings Be buy Essex Boys
November 21st, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Try this, there's a whole section on communication in marriage:
http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH13.HTM
Good luck.
.
References :
Happily married for 22 years and that's due, in no small part, to that.
November 21st, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Been married for 3 years and I am having the same problem with my husband. i hope you find something I'm going to keep checking back for your answer. By the way, this is a good question you asked.
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 8:33 pm
My therapist recommended these:
The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman and "The Relationship Cure"
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 9:20 pm
There's a book called the Five Love Languages. It helped me understand that all ppl show love differently. This book even helped me in relationships with other ppl such as my children. I highly recommend this book, although I'm not exactly sure if it is the type of "communication" book you're asking about. Good Luck.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I have been married for almost 20 years and I think the reason we are so close is due to allowing the other space when needed, a Great sense of Humor when it comes to little things and COMMUNICATION!!!! Don't alllow little things to bother you, it's the same with kids, there is no maual for parenting and marriage, you do your best and talk a lot but not in a serious sense but on a fun level.
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 10:26 pm
This is the title of a book I recommend: "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why" by Susan Forward
This book has helped me with communication skills not only in my immediate relationship, but all of my relationships. This book helped me recognized emotional and mental abuse that aren't always obvious.
It's an easy read, older but made a lot of sense for me.
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue, haven't read it but hear good things about it.
The Five Love Languages is a great book for understanding how people respond to different ways of showing and receiving love.
References :
November 21st, 2008 at 11:23 pm
So many times we, men and women, miscommunicate because we are wired differently and have trouble understanding each other. That's why I recommend John Gray's, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I've also listened to "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, and there are some wonderful thoughts on how we as individuals each have our own styles and help to understand the other's style of relating. Finally, I haven't read but see some excellent reviews of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, and Nan Silver.
What you will find through all of these, is two basic principles at work, 1 as taught by Steven Covey, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. The larger part of communication is listening for understanding of what is in the other's heart, and how best to release the love that is in their heart. The other is part of my personal philosophy of choosing love over power. Love does not seek to control another, but to give freedom of choice and to find the best in the other. The best method of communication I have found beyond listening, to express my wants and needs is using "I" statements to clarify my point of view without imposing my standards on another. For Instance, "When you ask for book recommendations, I want to share what I have found helpful." is an I statement that gives my point of view without invalidating your point of view, which might be different. An "I" statement is generally in the format of "when you, then I" Another for instance might be, "When you get upset because I am not lovey dovey, then I feel even less lovey dovey." On the other hand when you….. fill in the blank… I feel more lovey dovey. I hope you find this helpful. May the Blessings Be
References :
MA Counseling Psychology
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 am
Any Dr. Phil books
References :
http://www.drphilstore.com/