Comments on: Does marriage counseling work when infidelity is involved and he is only staying for the kids?

By: RAINBOW

RAINBOW — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 14:19:59 +0000

Get your finances in order,go speak to a solicitor,see what you are entitled to.Cant be nice for the kids around such aggro.
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By: kasar777

kasar777 — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:47:59 +0000

You're living the American dream. What's your problem? Staying with you just for the kids is not going to work. That's no different than what you have had. If you go to counseling you'll both end up cheating with the counselor. Obviously, none of you loves the other or you would have killed the other. So, you have no problem to get counseling for. The arrangement is working; he pays the bills and you cook for you. Counseling can not fix something that is not broken. You're just afraid he's going to pay some one else's bills; don't worry, you find some one else to cook for.
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By: no-ones-beezwax

no-ones-beezwax — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:09:59 +0000

marriage counseling does work if both parties willing to work at the problems and trust me it aint easy but worth it that is if you both really wont it
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By: shunta w

shunta w — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:28:59 +0000

stay for the child you may have to you let the other women come to stay so that it will work for your son and keep it a secret from him sometimes it works it depends on the situation
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By: DiRTy D

DiRTy D — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:08:59 +0000

Sounds like a huge mess. The biggest mistake any couple can make is cheating. You have to look at your relationship like a bubble. When you cheat you break the bubble – it will never be the same as it was. This doesn't mean you cannot work things out and stay together but it is going to be much harder.

BUT, you should go to counseling. There is no guarantee that it will save your relationship but you will both need it anyway. Even if you choose to split the counseling will help you understand and view the situation more clearly. It will help you both through splitting or staying – no matter which you choose. So I highly recommend it.
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By: cindersmella

cindersmella — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:36:59 +0000

Counseling isn't a magic pill. You and your husband can only benefit if you are both commited to changing your behaviour. I wouldn't waste money the money on sessions until you both confront the issues in your marriage and join together to work toward a solution. If nothing else you may find individual sessions to be helpful in identifying what you both want in your relationship.
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By: basketcase88

basketcase88 — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:23:59 +0000

Well, it can and does work. I personally know a couple who dealt with infidelity on the husband's part, even to the point he was living with the other woman, and his wife agreed to take him back. At first I'm sure it was more for their children's sake, but that was some 15 years or so ago. At first she didn't trust him, she would have a brother or his father go with him on any business trip he went on, she had to know where he was, and if he was a minute late, she had to know why and where he was that made him late. But, that was 15 years ago, they went though ALOT of counseling, and she was finally able to get past all the hurt and anger, and has learned to trust and respect her husband again. She realizes now that he screwed up, but he's a human being, and we all screw up at times, sometimes bigger than others. She says now she's glad she didn't dump him like she was initially inclined to, because their marriage is stronger for all the difficulties they went though. This took BOTH of them really wanting to make the marriage work...for their sakes. Not their kids, they had to eventually want it for themselves. She had to get past all the anger she had, and he had to put up with her not trusting him for several years. I don't know personally if I would've done it, but it worked for them.
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By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:11:59 +0000

cant hurt to try
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By: Chrissy #1

Chrissy #1 — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:06:59 +0000

You both love your children and that's great. Sounds like the marriage is over if niether of you want to work it out. You should both talk to your children and let them know you both still love tham and you guys are going to work this out so you are both still in there lives, but that you are getting a divorce. You and your spouse should try to calmly work out the details w/out bickering as much as possible. Make a clean break and get on with your lives. Good Luck and wish you well.
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I have read the additional details and I am so sorry, You have been hurt by him too much sweetie. Try to gain the courage to let him go. If you need more help e-mail me and I will do everything I can to help. Abuse is not O.K. either way and if you are hitting him out of anger you can see that it will only do further damage to your whole family.

By: sunny S

sunny S — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 10:46:59 +0000

When cheating comes into a relationship, it has been my experience the relationship is over. Marriage counseling rarely helps any one when it comes to cheating.
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