Does marriage counseling work when infidelity is involved and he is only staying for the kids?
May 31st, 2008
The marriage is 18 years. Both parties are guilty of infidelity. We have no respect or trust for each other. Our oldest child wants us to do marriage counseling. He told me he feels nothing for me. He is only trying because of the kids. I am willing to try to quit cheating. Nobody knows of my indiscretions. I thlnk he has feelings for his other woman.
He and I are guilty of infidelity. Our children are 15-10-3. Our oldest wants us to try marriage counseling. He has told me he doesnt love me. He still is taking care of the family financially. He is only here because he doesnt want to leave the kids. He doesnt know for sure of my infidelity. He suspects and we fight alot. We are both scared to leave. He has feelings for his other woman, I suspect. He keeps going back to her. What can I do to give either of us the courage to start over. We have been married 18 years and it is scary. I think in some weird way I still love him. I want to do the counseling. His family accepts his girlfriend over me. They invite her to family events. They dont want me around. I must admit I have went through 4 cell phones this month by throwing them at him. I beat him up the night I asked him if he loved me and he told me no. He also told me he has no feelings of passion toward me. We were seperated about 2 years ago and he moved back.
Ready to Rumble movie download Hellmaster dvd The Masquerader video oral motrin drug colchicine interaction
marriage counseling does work if both parties willing to work at the problems and trust me it aint easy but worth it that is if you both really wont it
January 1st, 2009 at 3:13 am
If you both are serious about the counseling, yes.
References :
Self
January 1st, 2009 at 3:40 am
Can't hurt, you put 18 years into the marriage so give it 18 hours and see what you get.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 4:02 am
Your marriage is over. Counseling would work if you both wanted it to, but it doesn't really sound like you do, and if DEFINATELY doesn't sound like he does. Staying together for the kids is a HUGE mistake.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 4:49 am
if he has no feelings for u, why bother to stay. if he is involved with someone else, than u need to tell him to leave. if there is no respect, or trust it isn't easy getting the marriage back. both parties have to want this, and it can't be just for the kids. he will continue to cheat on u, and do just what he wants, because he doesn't love u anymore. best to get out of it, and move on with life, than live with someone u are unhappy with, who cheats on u, and u on him.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 5:37 am
it wont work, I'm sorry but its best to walk away your kids will be happier with two happily separated parents than two unhappy ones. just make sure you civil with each other round the kids.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 5:46 am
When cheating comes into a relationship, it has been my experience the relationship is over. Marriage counseling rarely helps any one when it comes to cheating.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 6:06 am
You both love your children and that's great. Sounds like the marriage is over if niether of you want to work it out. You should both talk to your children and let them know you both still love tham and you guys are going to work this out so you are both still in there lives, but that you are getting a divorce. You and your spouse should try to calmly work out the details w/out bickering as much as possible. Make a clean break and get on with your lives. Good Luck and wish you well.
References :
I have read the additional details and I am so sorry, You have been hurt by him too much sweetie. Try to gain the courage to let him go. If you need more help e-mail me and I will do everything I can to help. Abuse is not O.K. either way and if you are hitting him out of anger you can see that it will only do further damage to your whole family.
January 1st, 2009 at 6:11 am
cant hurt to try
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 6:23 am
Well, it can and does work. I personally know a couple who dealt with infidelity on the husband's part, even to the point he was living with the other woman, and his wife agreed to take him back. At first I'm sure it was more for their children's sake, but that was some 15 years or so ago. At first she didn't trust him, she would have a brother or his father go with him on any business trip he went on, she had to know where he was, and if he was a minute late, she had to know why and where he was that made him late.
But, that was 15 years ago, they went though ALOT of counseling, and she was finally able to get past all the hurt and anger, and has learned to trust and respect her husband again. She realizes now that he screwed up, but he's a human being, and we all screw up at times, sometimes bigger than others. She says now she's glad she didn't dump him like she was initially inclined to, because their marriage is stronger for all the difficulties they went though.
This took BOTH of them really wanting to make the marriage work…for their sakes. Not their kids, they had to eventually want it for themselves. She had to get past all the anger she had, and he had to put up with her not trusting him for several years. I don't know personally if I would've done it, but it worked for them.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 6:36 am
Counseling isn't a magic pill. You and your husband can only benefit if you are both commited to changing your behaviour. I wouldn't waste money the money on sessions until you both confront the issues in your marriage and join together to work toward a solution.
If nothing else you may find individual sessions to be helpful in identifying what you both want in your relationship.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 7:08 am
Sounds like a huge mess. The biggest mistake any couple can make is cheating. You have to look at your relationship like a bubble. When you cheat you break the bubble – it will never be the same as it was. This doesn't mean you cannot work things out and stay together but it is going to be much harder.
BUT, you should go to counseling. There is no guarantee that it will save your relationship but you will both need it anyway. Even if you choose to split the counseling will help you understand and view the situation more clearly. It will help you both through splitting or staying – no matter which you choose. So I highly recommend it.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 7:28 am
stay for the child you may have to you let the other women come to stay so that it will work for your son and keep it a secret from him
sometimes it works it depends on the situation
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 8:09 am
marriage counseling does work if both parties willing to work at the problems and trust me it aint easy but worth it that is if you both really wont it
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 8:47 am
You're living the American dream. What's your problem? Staying with you just for the kids is not going to work. That's no different than what you have had.
If you go to counseling you'll both end up cheating with the counselor. Obviously, none of you loves the other or you would have killed the other. So, you have no problem to get counseling for. The arrangement is working; he pays the bills and you cook for you.
Counseling can not fix something that is not broken. You're just afraid he's going to pay some one else's bills; don't worry, you find some one else to cook for.
References :
January 1st, 2009 at 9:19 am
Get your finances in order,go speak to a solicitor,see what you are entitled to.Cant be nice for the kids around such aggro.
References :