1:Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn’t mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that’s not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.

2:Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren’t being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it’s easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.

3:Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it’s necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.

4:Put a little karmic theory into your marriage-you get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate.

5:Learn that mending a relationship doesn’t mean mending your partner. A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can’t fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren’t like animals, and you shouldn’t have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It’s not fair on them, and it’s not fair on you.

This advice for a good marriage can really help in the tough times, so I hope it helps you if you need it. Check out the links below for great info on fixing your marriage.

Is it best I cut my losses and move out?

It is only through recognising our shortcomings can we improve. Stick around and make a differnece to that 11 year old. Your wife will go from sole mate to flat mate and back again half a dozen times between now and when one of you falls off the perch. Try to remember what made you fall in love with her the first time around.

Look online to see if there are any AlAnon meetings in your area. AlAnon is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics. There are even divisions for teens. Hope this helps.

Or even free. We don't have alot of money but are in dire need of some marriage counseling.

yup. depends on the counselor.

Is this reason enough to leave my marriage or am I being unrealistic?

I think if he has really changed, then you need to find a way to heal what was damaged by his actions. I suggest for you to go to counseling on your own, without him present and see if you can’t work through the issues his actions caused. Until you fully forgive him and open yourself up to him again, you may not be able to be sexually satisfied by him. Sexual satisifaction requires you to be open and it is hard to be open with someone who has betrayed you as much as your husband has. Sex is an important part of a marriage relationship and it begins to degrade the relationship when the intimacy is gone. Not to mention it makes you vulnerable to seeking satisfaction else where. You don’t want to do the same thing he did to you, to him. I hope that helps a little. Hang in there girl, you have gotten this far, you can get through the rest of it

I don't know about what everyone else things……

but I know… that as long as both people are willing to try to repair the marriage….. that marriage counseling…. can do WONDERS.

Ask him again! But in the meantime also ask him what he feels is wrong in your marriage. The idea that “love” or “not being in love” is the criteria that keeps a marriage going, is absurd. Getting along with each other has to do with talking things out. You are two different people, coming from two different worlds with different ideas of what brings about happiness.

If you can ask him about what bothers him and, at the same time explain what you want to get out of the marriage, you will have gone a long way towards saving your marriage.

Yes, I did plenty of marriage counseling in my life. But counseling is worthless unless both partners are willing. Check out my source.

The place where we go is $100/hr but they also have a sliding scale depending on income. Search around, you should be able to find something reasonable.

He had an affair about 7 months ago and we are both trying so hard to overcome it and get past it. He is remorseful and i havent seen him try this hard since he tried to get me to marry him 10 years ago. I know he loves me and is sorry and is doing everything right to "fix it". But I still think counseling would be helpful. He thinks everything is ok, cuz i dont say anything, i bottle it up to keep things normal, but I really think I need further professional help, but I really want marriage counseling for us both. How do I delicately approach the subject without coming off as demanding it. How do i get him to see that I think it would really be helpful. I still have so many questions surrounding his affair and I am afraid to just ask them. I think a marriage counselor in the middle would be a better alternative, for I have read that in times of healing from an affair, certain things said can be more damaging than helpful and I want guidance to get through it.

Oh and please save your negative comments on once a cheater…bla…bla…Thats not what i asked. So many people are willing to throw in the towel these days and when i read on here telling people to get rid of cheaters, I have to wonder if they ever went through it themselves. Its easier said than done. At least I am trying and if still dont work, at least I can say i tried.

1. convince him that is was his decision to seek counsel.
2. never make it seem like a chore to go to counselling.

3. don't criticize your husband in counselling. only talk about subject matter that is relevant to why you are there.

4. take him to his favourite bar or restaurant after sessions.
5. stress positive results even if you don't think there are any, there will be.

It's the second marriage for both of us and it seems like we keep repeating the same mistakes that ruined our first marriages.

Of course it works, it's work from both sides and needs your commitment. It's a pitty to lose someone you love over some problems. Pick your battle, you'll gain his attention and respect. Give each other space. Try to be happy, and do something new with him; movies, walk in the park on a Sunday, look your best and surprise him with a romantic dinner. My best friend's mother once told me: marriage is like merging 2 stones into being one stone, it takes years for the nature to do that. No marriage is perfect, it's a hard work and communications. Respect each other's individuality and opinions. Don't try to change each other, this won't happen, it'll make you both angry at each other & build more resistance between you. Accept each other the way you are and try to change the way you treat each other. Good Luck and I hope things will work out for you!